Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
