So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
