She is in my trunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
