I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
