I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
