The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
