I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
