don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
