Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
