you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
