I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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