I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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