I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
