babies were throwing up all over the place
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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