Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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