On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
