No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
