can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
