Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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