I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
