some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
