Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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