PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
