M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
