hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
