nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
