it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
