Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
