I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
