I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
