My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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