Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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