I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
