Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize