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Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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