Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
