if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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