I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
