is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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