he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
