i just wanna soil my oats bro
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
