So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My feet surprised me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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