True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
