You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drunk is not a location!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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