he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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