i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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