i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
