so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
