i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
