I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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