My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
